From a set of powerpoints for a talk, "How to have a bad career in research/academia," by David Patterson

7 Talk Commandments for a Bad Career

I. Thou shalt not illustrate.
II. Thou shalt not covet brevity.
III. Thou shalt not print large.
IV. Thou shalt not use color.
V. Thou shalt not skip slides in a long talk.
VI. Thou shalt cover thy naked slides.
VII. Thou shalt not practice.

Includes other gems, such as "Let Complexity Be Your Guide
(Confuse Thine Enemies)," "Don’t be Distracted by Others (Avoid Feedback)," and "Be THE leading expert."